Sunday, July 10, 2005

BAR EXAM PART II - A Conversation with Stockton & Tweed

The following is a transcript of my conversation with Stockton and Tweed regarding their bar exam experiences. We hope the following exchange will be of benefit to all aspiring lawyers about to take the Bar Examination.

Reporter: Gentlemen, what are the first words that come to mind when I say, "bar exam."

Stockton: A challenge. A challenge that must be accepted and met and never discussed again!

Tweed: Tissue ripping anal probe.

Reporter: The day of the exam, what was it like?

Stockton: Sunny, pleasant, mid-70's. There was some traffic heading in, so the usual 10 minute drive took fifteen minutes. I didn't let that affect me though.

Tweed: There was a fire in the hotel where I was staying in mid-town Manhattan, so my day began about two in the morning. My recollection of the day is a bit hazy - which I attribute to the smoke inhalation.

Reporter: Where did you take the bar exam?

Stockton: At the New York State Museum. I was on a terrace overlooking the Hudson River. A very nice view. I had my own table and there were no lines at the bathroom. It wasn't as bad as it sounds.

Tweed: Bastard! Me and 4,500 of my closest friends were herded into the Jacob Javitz Center like cattle to the slaughter - except that a more bitter end loomed. We sat on what once were chairs at tables that were no larger than two LP records.

Reporter: Let's go back a little. Why did you want to become a lawyer?

Stockton: Growing up, all my heroes were lawyers - Aaron Burr, Alexander Hamilton, Abe Lincoln, Robert Kennedy . . . .

Reporter: So - people who were shot or who shot other people?

Stockton: Precisely.

Tweed: I wanted to become a lawyer, so I could reap vengeance against all those who crossed me as a youth.

Reporter: So, back to the bar exam. Tell me about the actual experience of sitting and taking the exam - what was it like?

Tweed: Well, as I said, I don't remember much of the first day because of my smoke inhalation. But I do remember birds defecating on test takers as they flew about the cavernous hall. I also remember the workers building a set for some future event in the next room - hammers, saws, southern rock. . .

Stockton: I was just in awe all during the exam. So many emotionally crippled people gathered in one location. I cried.

Reporter: What did you do during your lunch breaks?

Stockton: I went outside, had a few cigarettes by one of the sparkling, bubbling fountains on the mall and achieved complete consciousness.

Tweed: I pushed my way through the crowds, but saw from the line at the one hot dog vendor that I would not be able to get a hot dog. So I worked my way to the Hudson River and dined on sushi. That's when the hallucinations started.

Reporter: Do you believe that your bar review course adequately prepared you for the bar exam?

Stockton: Generally, yes; but I wish they had mentioned there would be essays.

Tweed: Overall, yes. And the weighty study material came in very handy in fending off the rats that shared my second hotel room with me after the first day of the exam.

Reporter: Any advice for those entering the profession?

Stockton: If you can loathe your job, you're lucky. Far to many people detest their job. Find something you loathe and do it. Don't settle for something you detest.

Tweed: Yes.

1 comment:

AA said...

... emotionally crippled.... that line made me laugh out loud in the law lib just now....